They Don't Ask He Won't Tell
by Tigyr
Summary: Set during and after Hiatus parts 1&2 and moves forward from there. This is majorly out of canon...see author's notes within.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This was inspired by two things...a friend's plot bunny that she didn't have time for, and a challenge on another site.

This is my friend's original plot bunny..._ One day, I realized that both Shannon and Kelly are names that can be used for either gender. What if Shannon had been a man? What if, when Gibbs woke up after the explosion, he had asked "Where's my husband?" instead of "Where's my wife?" Can you imagine how different life would have been for Gibbs, trying to make such a relationship work while also serving as a Marine?_

_My husband and I sat around one day in a restaurant, eating lunch and brainstorming about how this would have affected the "Gibbs timeline" in the series. One major change - since the relationship could never be officially acknowledged, Shannon wouldn't have been a Navy dependent, and thus NCIS would never have been involved in the drug case that led to Shannon getting killed. Would it have been the FBI instead? Would Gibbs have joined the FBI after leaving the Marines, maybe even had Fornell to teach him instead of Franks?_

My plot bunnies accepted the first part and threw the rest out the window...

**They Don't Ask:**

Ducky and Jenny look at their friend in astonishment. Despite being in a coma for the past few days, they were expecting him to ask about the team or maybe even the informant he had been with at the time of the explosion, but they never expect him to ask in such a broken voice, "Where's Shannon? Where's my husband?"

It is all Jenny Shepherd can do to keep from gaping at her former lover. He's been married before; that much she knows as she's kept track of the three ex-wives. But she's never heard the name Shannon pass Gibbs lips prior to today. As for Ducky, he's looking like someone punched him in the gut.

"He never told you either?" Jenny asks quietly and the elderly man shakes his head. He's not quite sure what to make of Gibbs' questions. He asks Jenny if she wants to stay or go back to NCIS with him and she softly says that she'll stay.

"I shall come back in a few hours, my dear. Hopefully our team can supply a few answers for us."

Jenny nods and Ducky picks up his trench coat and fedora as he exits the hospital room. He carefully drives back to NCIS and the anxiously awaiting team. The three young agents, all under the guidance of Leroy Jethro Gibbs look up at him.

"Ducky, what is it? Is Gibbs awake yet?"

"Yes Timothy, he's awake." The subdued tone of their friend alerts them that something is wrong.

"Ducky?" Ziva places a hand on his arm.

"Forgive me, my dear. Anthony, you've worked with Jethro the longest. Has he ever mentioned being married to anyone named Shannon?"

"Not that I remember Ducky. Tim, can you access—?"

"Working on it, um, no this can't be right. I…let me go to MTAC and verify this." Tim is pale as he reads his screen.

"Please Timothy, put it up on the plasma." Ducky's request brings Tim's green eyes to the elderly man who nods silently. Tim gulps audibly as he brings the information on his computer up on the plasma screen.

A handsome red-haired young man is smiling at them from his driver's license. Next to him in a newspaper photograph is a photograph of a red-haired boy. The newspaper caption reads NIS employee and son killed while in protective custody. Tim swallows as he continues typing the information he's learning into the computer. Tony turns his head towards the younger man trying to figure out just what is troubling his friend.

"McGee? Are you all right?"

Ziva's question is met with a shake of Tim's head. He stands up and darts for the men's room. Tony and Ziva exchange glances while Ducky continues to stare at the information that Tim has discovered. Ziva stands up and Tony nods quietly for her to follow Tim as he moves towards Ducky.

"What's up Ducky?"

"Jethro woke up asking for Shannon…for his husband."

Tony turns towards him shock in his hazel green eyes. Ducky nods in agreement, "Yes we were a bit surprised too. Director Shepherd is still there, trying to find out more information."

"Jenny can search all she wants, my Probie ain't gonna tell her shit til he's good and ready too."

"Michael…good to see you again my friend."

"I'll be the judge of that Ducky. What happened to my probie?"

Tony looks at Ducky who nods his approval. Tony quickly brings Mike Franks up to speed on their current case and how Gibbs had been in an explosion and consequently ended up in a coma.

"He just now woke up and is asking for his husband…Shannon."

"Don't ask and Probie won't tell. He may not ever tell anyone the entire story, but he was married once to Shannon Fielding. Marine corps wouldn't acknowledge the marriage so they kept it to themselves."

"How do you know about it?" Tony asks curiously.

"I can't tell you that. Your jobs aren't worth it." Mike chews on his cigar, wondering just how to get out of this one.

"Bullshit. That's our boss in a hospital bed. We deserve to know what the hell is going on."

"Not my story to tell kid. Sounds like your probie might know something though." Mike says as he wanders over to the elevator.


	2. Chapter 2

Tim makes it to the restroom just in time to lose the little lunch he'd eaten that day. He looks up when Ziva places a cold paper towel against the back of his neck, silently thanking her for not asking too many questions

"What is it McGee? You seem very upset by the news that Gibbs was married to another man."

"No…not that. I…I…do you know what a pen pal is Ziva?"

"I take it you do not mean the three of us in the MCRT?" she teases lightly and Tim can't help smiling at her deliberate misuse of the term. He shakes his head and stands up, weaving slightly as he heads over to the sink. Ziva watches protectively as he rinses his mouth out and then sits beside him when he sinks to the floor by the sink. He wraps his hands around his knees, and looks at her asking her to understand while he continues to gather his thoughts.

"Take your time, McGee. I have locked the door."

"Ziva, it's the men's room."

"Yes and you need some privates to collect your thoughts."

"Privacy…" Tim sighs as he sees the twinkle in her brown eyes. "I … give me a few minutes and we'll go talk to the others. I just need to think for a moment."

"Okay, if you are sure McGee." She runs a hand over his head and he smiles in appreciation.

"I am, but thank you for coming after me, this time." He says and she smirks at him.

"That is what friends do, McGee, or so you have tried to teach me." She reminds him softly as she leaves the room.

Tim sighs sitting for a few more minutes before finally standing up and washing his hands. He exits the men's room and looks at Ziva, Tony and Ducky. He sits back down at his computer and ignores the shaking in his hands.

Ducky comes over and sits on the edge of his desk. "Are you all right Timothy?"

Tim sighs as he shakes his head. "No, but I will be. I just had a bit of a shock. We all did and for that I apologize you guys."

Ziva stares at him and he avoids looking at her. Tony narrows his eyes and is about to ask for more details when a white-coated, black haired dervish comes striding off the elevator.

"Gibbs woke up and you didn't tell me! Tony! you know that I've been waiting all day for word about what was going on!" She punches Tony in the arm and the senior agent winces slightly as she heads over to heap her wrath on Tim.

Tim just stands up, shuts down his computer and leaves the room, heading for the back stairs and not giving Abby time to do more than stare after him in shock. Abby growls for a few more minutes waiting for Tim to show back up and when he doesn't, she whirls around, tells the others that she's going to go visit Gibbs and stomps to the elevator. Ziva hands Tony a file and he absently takes it and nods for her to leave the room.

Ducky stares at Tony who shifts a bit uncomfortably in his chair. "What's wrong Ducky?"

"Nothing Anthony, I just wanted to say I'm proud of you today. You've all had a bit of a shock, but you managed to hold it together."

"Thanks Ducky but I have to admit, I'm worried."

"About Jethro, that's to be expected, young man."

"No, I…don't get me wrong Ducky but I'm more worried about Tim. I've never seen him behave that way before today."

Ducky rubs his chin, reflecting on the younger agent's behavior. "He was rather out of character today wasn't he?" He looks up at the picture on the plasma, the young man and child seem rather familiar to him, now that he thinks about it and he tells Tony to meet him at Gibbs house on the morrow.

"Okay Ducky. I'll get this printed out. I just…"

"We're all concerned my friend. There is nothing wrong with being worried about your team mate."

"It was like he'd lost his best friend." Tony whispers and looks up at Ducky who pats him on the shoulder.

"Give the lad a night to get used to the shock of Jethro being married to another man. Not everyone knows how to handle that kind of information when it is literally dropped into their lap."

"You've gotten over your shock somewhat rapidly Ducky." Tony says as he stands up and escorts the older man to the elevator, holding it open for him. Ducky smiles his thanks as he thinks about his reply.

"It might actually explain the three ex-wives. He had something rare in his relationship with Shannon and hasn't been able to find it again." Ducky says thoughtfully and Tony looks at him.

"But, and I'm not saying this to be crass here, what could Shannon have given him that the others couldn't? I mean, regardless of anything else, I've seen wives two and three and both were damn good looking."

"That, my dear Anthony is the million dollar question." Ducky smiles serenely as he heads out of the elevator.


	3. Chapter 3

Tim looks up as Ziva sits beside him in the stairwell. He wipes angry tears away from his eyes and Ziva puts a hand on his arm.

"Don't say anything just yet McGee. Let's just pretend for the moment that we're heading for the parking garage. I will meet you at your car and you can drive me home."

"I…thanks, Ziva. I'll meet you down there. And no, I'm not upset enough to let you drive my car."

"McGee!" Ziva says in mock shock and Tim smiles at her.

"I'll be right behind you."

Ziva gives his shoulder a squeeze and heads down the stairs. Tim swallows and clears his throat before pulling out his phone.

"Yeah, DiNozzo."

"I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have left the way that I did."

"Are you okay, Probie?"

"No, but not for the reason you might think Tony. If you want to, why don't you come over tonight and I'll show you why I reacted the way I did."

"I'm going to drop Ducky off at the hospital, and check in real quick with the director, then I'll come over."

"'kay."

"Tim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, I was getting worried about you." Tony says as he hangs up and looks at Ducky.

The older man smiles despite the concern Tony can still see in his blue eyes. "He's still reeling from some sort of shock, and consider yourself lucky young man. He's trusting you with something that few people might know about."

"That's almost a comforting thought Ducky." Tony replies as he unlocks his car doors and motions for the older man to climb inside.

"Not this time, Anthony. Right now, you need to see to Timothy. I will report to the director for our team."

Tony starts to protest and Ducky puts up his hand. "Listen to me Anthony DiNozzo. Timothy just called you and asked you to come listen to his reason for leaving as abruptly as he did. You need to follow up on that. I found out the information that the director needs and am just as capable of handing in a report as any of you younger ones."

Ducky puts a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Your younger brother needs his older brother's support right now. Now order some pizzas or whatever it is that you will need to gain entrance to his apartment and go listen to what he has to say, Doctor's orders."

"Alright Ducky, I'll meet you at Gibbs' house tomorrow afternoon. That should give both of us time to figure out what in the hell is going on around here."

NCIS_NCIS

Tim waits until Tony and Ziva have both arrived and they're all munching on hot pizza and drinking cold beers before going into his bedroom and pulling out a shoe box. Ziva's inquisitive look has Tony telling her that some people store stuff in shoe boxes after they pull the shoes out.

"My nana used to show me letters from her sweetheart. She'd pull them out and read them at night. It's how I knew that not everyone had parents like mine." Tony muses and Tim nods as he comes out of the bedroom.

"I was telling Ziva that I had a pen pal when I was a kid. What I didn't tell her was that his name was Shannon. I also didn't tell her that Shannon told me he was married to a Marine who served overseas."

Both Tony and Ziva stare at him in surprise.

"I didn't associate our Gibbs with Shannon's LJ. I guess maybe he never told me Gibbs' last name or something, but I…when I…I couldn't figure out why he quit writing to me. I had several letters returned to me, with nothing more than Return to Sender on them."

"How old were you Tim?" Tony asks quietly.

"I started writing these when I was about eight. It started out as a class assignment, but then, it just went on from there."

"What was your assignment McGee?"

"We had to write to someone in the armed services. Basically a to any soldier serving overseas program. A lot of schools and towns still do that to this very day, it's a way to ensure that those who might not get a letter from family at least can hear from someone from back home."

His first letter had gone unanswered for almost a month. Just when Tim was beginning to get discouraged (most of his classmates had already heard from a soldier) he received his first letter from Shannon.


	4. Chapter 4

The letters in the box start out simply enough, just a man describing life in the Marines, and worrying about his spouse and young son since he's overseas protecting his country. Tim tells Tony and Ziva that he had replied eagerly, telling the soldier that as the son of a military man he knows all too well how Kelly must feel with Shannon away so much of the time.

The second letter comes less than three weeks later and tells Tim that Shannon is stateside as his wife has died and there is no one left aside from his parents to watch over Kelly. He'll be looking for work as his leg had been wounded while in action and needs something so that he can take care of his son. Tim tells his father about Shannon and the commander suggests that Shannon check out NIS, as they are always looking for good men and women. Tim immediately relays what his father told him to Shannon.

Shannon's next letter is was full of enthusiasm as he thanks Tim for the information and then goes on to tell him that due to Tim's lead, he was able to get hired on at NIS as a special liaison, having the military know how to help solve some of their cold cases. In the process, he's met some very interesting people including other Marines or Navy personnel.

Tim shakes out a letter, "This is the one where he meets Gibbs for the first time. I didn't understand it all at that time, but I know now he was trying to be discrete and not upset my parents who tended to read my letters with me."

Shannon's letter reads, "I've met someone special, who I'll call LJ for now. Hmm, if only there was an easy description. Well, LJ is a very loveable person, kind and lighthearted. Kelly absolutely adores LJ and is looking forward to the next time we meet."

"LJ is still in the Marine Corps and has only been stateside for a few days. Kelly and I met LJ while at a baseball game that Kelly was participating in. LJ sat beside me and asked me if I had anyone in the game and when I pointed Kelly out, LJ started rooting for him. It was terrific, as my parents couldn't come to help me root for him because dad and mom were on the other side of the country since my job at NIS is actually at the Washington Navy Yard. Kelly just beamed at us and hit his first triple."

LJ had then asked Shannon out to dinner and when Shannon had demurred had insisted that Kelly come along.

"That's when I knew LJ is something special Tim. No one else has dared to come near me because they know that I won't leave my son. I can leave him with a babysitter, yes, even for a few hours but in the long run, they always want me to give Kelly to my parents or put him up for adoption or boarding school and I just won't do that."

Over the next few weeks Shannon's letters are filled more and more with tales of LJ and Kelly and how loved Shannon and Kelly both feel. About seven months after receiving Shannon's first letter, Tim receives the one about Shannon and LJ's marriage.

"We got married in secret as the Marine Corps and my parents refuse to recognize our marriage. However, our love is strong and I think we can survive almost anything by now. LJ's Dad has been fabulous in supporting our decision and he offered to watch Kelly for us during our weekend honeymoon. LJ and I also took advantage of the leave time to both of us and created our sanctuary. It's a beautiful handcrafted piece of art. Oh it may look like a typical two-story house from the outside, but LJ is a master craftsman when it comes to woodworking and spends much of the time creating new and wonderful pieces like the mantel over the fireplace and the wainscoting in the front hallway. LJ even molded and crafted the headboards in our bedrooms. We're in the process of adding a back porch even as I write this."

Another year passes and Tim's parents by this time have an almost terrible two year-old to watch over and grow disinterested in Tim's pen pal. Seeing as how they move around so much, they're just glad that Tim has someone he can relate to and correspond with. But then one day the letters stop and Tim's letters are sent back Return to Sender.

Tony and Ziva hand Tim back the letters and Tim silently files them away. Coming back out of his bedroom he looks at his co-workers and asks,

"How did I miss it? Did I miss it? Am I really that blind and stupid as to have missed seeing that Shannon's LJ is our Gibbs?"

Tony shakes his head and Ziva is shaking hers as well. "No, the man described in those letters Probie is someone we've never met, and I'm not sure we ever will."

Ziva nods her agreement, "Tony is right McGee. The Gibbs in these letters is warm and open and I think when Shannon and Kelly died that person might have died too. I have seen it happen many times even in the Mossad. Too much pain, too much heartache, it must be buried and concealed if that person is to go on with their life. Gibbs has done just that. If not for the explosion, we would never have known the truth."

Tim sighs, "So how do we go on from here? I…what do we do?"

"What we've always done Probie. We finish our case and support Gibbs in whatever capacity he'll allow us to. We all know that DA/DT is still prevalent in the Yard so we don't bring it up unless the Director or Gibbs himself mentions it."

"It was still up on the plasma!" Tim says almost frantically.

"I would just say that if we are asked we say that we are investigating a cold case that the Director has assigned to us, which is basically the truth, is it not?" Ziva's logic in this case is sound and has both men nodding in agreement.

"Yes. I'll put it under a cold case file and then no one aside from the three of us, Abby or the Director can access it."

"You can do that McGee?" Tony looks at his junior partner in surprise.

"I'm not supposed to, but yes. In this case I think we need to." Tim looks at the other two who nod in support of his actions.

"I'll tell Ducky too. He's a bit worried about his friend." Tony says and Tim nods wearily as he sits down at his desk and starts typing on his computer. Tony puts a hand on his shoulder and Tim looks up at him.

"Not your fault Tim. Shannon never calls him by anything other than LJ and even then doesn't give you many clues that LJ is Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

Tony looks at the other two and then says, "I need to go let Abby and Ducky know what we know. Ziva?"

"I will stay with McGee for a few more minutes Tony." She motions towards the bedroom and Tony sighs as he nods in agreement.

"Don't worry Tony. I'm too tired to break rule 12 tonight." Tim says without looking up from the keyboard and the other two smile.

"Okay Probie. Get some sleep while you can, and don't let the ninja chick's snoring keep you up all night." Tony's out the door before Ziva can throw anything more threatening than a look his way.


	5. Chapter 5

Tim chuckles lightly as he stretches and yawns. He looks up at Ziva who is staring at him with concern. She traces his jaw line and he blushes as she realizes what he hasn't told them.

"You fell in love with Gibbs through Shannon's letters didn't you?"

Tim tries to avoid her knowing gaze and can't. He nods as he admits, "When I first started reading them, it wasn't anything you know. Just an admiration for a Marine, a soldier but then when he and Gibbs got married and he was describing the man that Gibbs was then, I…I was jealous that Kelly got to have two really terrific dads while I had the commander."

Ziva considers the condition of the letters, how well worn they are and yet they are well preserved. "You however fell in love with him again when you grew older. Or maybe started looking for someone who sounded like that person Shannon described."

Tim sighs, "Instead I found…Gibbs. He's so different and I don't know how to get through to him."

Ziva leads him into the bedroom, motioning for him to lie down. When he hesitates she leans in, "Just a back massage, McGee. You need to rest and this will help you do that."

"I need to go shower and use the head first. I have some massage oil in the top drawer by the bed."

"You do?"

"My…my sister comes over sometimes and gives me a backrub or usually I end up giving her one." The shower turns on and Ziva looks around for more evidence of Tim's sister.

"How many years younger is she?"

"Six…she starts college this fall." Tim says as he slips into the shower.

Ziva quickly looks around the room but sees nothing that can help her identify Tim's sister let alone tell her more about Tim McGee. The massage oil is exactly where he's said it will be and she sighs as she pulls it out, somewhat disappointed that she still doesn't know that much about the computer geek.

Tim comes out dressed in his bathrobe and is surprised to see her still there. "I…you don't have to do this you know. I can just…"

"Just what McGee, take a sleeping powder? You do not have any here."

Tim blushes and Ziva frowns at him. "You do not see yourself as a handsome man, therefore you do not consider yourself worthy of my attention even something as trivial as a backrub."

"I guess when you put it like that it's pretty silly, but yeah, that's about it. I mean come on Ziva, you don't even look at me unless you're giving Tony grief."

Ziva blinks as she thinks about what he says, not noticing when he shuffles past her to open the door to his built in closet. He takes out clean clothes for the next day, hanging his suit in the bathroom, letting the steam take the wrinkles out of it, and placing his underwear on the table near the sink. Once that's done he shrugs out of his robe and climbs under the covers.

"It's up to you if you stay or go, the bed's big enough for two. There's a clean shirt in the bottom of my closet if you need something to sleep in. Good night Ziva." He closes his eyes, wondering just where that piece of backbone came from.

Ziva glares at him yet something in her knows that she deserves the put down he's just given her. She sighs and says, "It's easier to give a back massage if I have your back facing me."

Tim shifts slightly and Ziva pools the oil into her palm, warming it slightly before applying it to Tim's back. As she starts her massage she's surprised by the muscle tone that he does have and wonders why he's let himself go over the years.

"You could have a chance at Gibbs, if you let yourself take it. It would mean a few changes in your lifestyle, in your eating habits, but I think you would be able to do it, if you wanted to." She says softly, and Tim groans as she hits a particular knot of muscles.

"I know, I just, ohhh yeah right there…sigh…he treats me like he hates me most of the time…I don't know how to respond to him when he does that."

"Like when Abby conveniently forgot to tell him that she opened your door to Mikel after you told her not to?"

Tim blinks up at her, "You…how…"

"You are not lazy and you would not have opened your door to anybody. Gibbs was wrong but he cannot see past Abby's youthful resemblance to Kelly perhaps."

"Yeah but do I have to be the one to pay for her mistakes all the time? Why doesn't he believe me?"

"He does…I just think he chooses to wear blenders where Abby is concerned."

"Blinders…so suck it up for the time being and if she gets one of us killed next time then what do I do?"

Ziva sighs, "That I do not know McGee. All I can do is tell you to write up your report as truthfully as you always do."

Tim nods sleepily, "Okay, but if she gets me killed I want your promise that you won't go after her."

"McGee! Would I do that?" Ziva's shocked at first that he could think she would then listens to his reasoning.

"Hmm…if you…*yawn*…thought the situation…warranted it…*yawn*…you might."

Tim falls asleep and Ziva continues her silent rub down. Tim does not have Tony's muscles but at the same time she can tell that once upon a time, he could have given Tony a run for his money. Not one for a partial massage, she pulls the covers down and inhales when she sees Tim's tight butt.

"How do you hide this McGee?" she whispers as she runs her hands down his legs and feet. And then she feels and sees the scar. It runs the length of Tim's left leg from his knee to his ankle.

Tony told her when they were on a stakeout once that Tim had confessed to wrecking his first car. Tony hadn't been too impressed until Tim had told him that it had been a Camaro. Then he'd been horrified. Not on Tim's behalf, but on the car's.

Ziva sucks in her breath as she thinks about the implications behind that scar. Tim being in traction for days or weeks as he recovers from a possible compound fracture. Tony had laughed as Tim had said he didn't remember much of anything in the immediate weeks that followed. She runs her hands back up Tim's sides and his back, finding minute scarring that tells of an operation. One meant to put a spine back together.

Ziva heads into the bathroom and seeing an extra towel laid out, decides to take her own shower before deciding what to do next. The heat and steam from the water hide the sympathetic tears she has rolling down her face at the thought of her gentle team mate suffering so much pain and yet, he doesn't appear to acknowledge the pain he has to feel every time they go out in the field.

Nodding her head, determined to find out the truth, she turns off the shower and wraps the towel around herself before heading to Tim's closet. She pulls an old t-shirt off the pile in the corner, noting the MIT logo as well as a faint trace of Tim's cologne. She then pulls the covers over Tim before crawling in on the other side, so she can study his sleeping face before slumber overcomes her as well.

Tim wakes up slowly the next morning, more refreshed than he's felt in ages. He sniffs smelling something cooking and frowns as he looks at the pillow next to his with a definite indention. He…he told off the ninja/assassin and managed to live to see another day? He peeks under the covers, sighing in relief when nothing is missing and runs for the bathroom and a shower.

Ziva giggles as she imagines his face if he'd known she was standing in the doorway about to wake him up. She turns and walks back into the kitchen finishing her preparations for a light breakfast of tea and toast. She smiles when she sees a partially dressed McGee enter the small kitchen nook.

"You didn't have to do this you know." He says quietly.

Ziva hands him a cup of tea and some toast. "I know, but I also know that it's nice sometimes to eat breakfast with a friend."

Tim motions for her to sit down and Ziva looks at him, "Why does no one know about your past? I saw your scars Tim. You should not be alive, yet you live. What happened?"

"I don't know." He sighs when he sees the skeptical look on her face. "The last thing I remember is the car fishtailing around a busload of kids. The bus driver told the cops that he thought for a moment I was a professional just due to how I was able to keep the car from flipping. I apparently hit a tree and my airbag deployed. I woke up in the hospital three weeks later."

"You do not limp, yet you have a scar that indicates you should be."

"I was told I'd never walk again. That I was lucky they saved my leg. I just remember that I had promised my sister that I would walk with my graduating class, come hell or high waters."

"Your high school graduation?" Ziva guesses.

Tim shakes his head, "No, my graduation from college. I…my accident happened the weekend I should have graduated out of high school. That's part of why I was so determined to make it through college. I missed one graduation; I wasn't going to miss another one."

"You have lost a lot of muscle tone, but you still have some there. I was looking at it last night. With the right trainer, you could lose a lot of this pudgy probieness. You are not afraid of hard work; you cannot be and still work for Gibbs."

"Private trainers are expensive. I've looked into it." Tim confesses and Ziva smiles her approval.

"It is why you have muscles building again. You started to train."

"I can't afford to keep doing it though. Not if I'm going to keep supporting Sarah through her college years."

Ziva runs a hand over her hair as she contemplates her next words. "What if you didn't need a personal trainer? Just someone to work out with?"

Tim stares at her, not daring to believe what she's suggesting. "You'd work out with me? Really, without telling Tony?"

"I think we are both adult enough that we can keep this between the two of us for now. After all, we both live here in Silver Spring, so it would be natural for us to travel back and forth to work. If we end up stopping at a local gym, no one would know except us."


	6. Chapter 6

The next few years pass quickly. Tim and Ziva strengthen their bond of friendship not just with training, but by cooking for each other and being each other's confidant. They watch in concern as Tony's relationship with Jeanne blossoms and then dies. When Jenny dies, and the team is separated, they exchange emails and when the team is put back together, resume their friendship as if nothing ever happened.

The case that takes them to Stillwater, where they meet Jack is a bit uncomfortable for Tim as he catches the older man staring at him thoughtfully more than once during their investigation. Yet Jackson Gibbs says nothing to indicate whether or not he knows how Tim feels about his son. Tim for his part stays quiet, not wanting to stir up more bad feelings between the estranged father and son.

And then the LA team mission and OSP and Tim blushes as he recalls how excited he'd been to work with the equipment and computers. When Gibbs had threatened to leave him there, he'd actually been horrified to think that Gibbs didn't want him on the team anymore, but he catches just a hint of a teasing glint in the older man's eyes, and breathes a sigh of relief when they finally get back to DC.

But then Tony kills Mikhail. The next few days pass quickly and Ziva, Tony and Gibbs head to Israel with Mikhail's body. Only, Ziva doesn't return. Emailing her, nodding in agreement as she tells him that she needs answers, he tells her that he'll always be a friend and will be waiting for her return. She tells him to remember her request before she left and he agrees to do so, never dreaming that he'll actually do it. But then...

"The Damocles sank off the coast of Africa in May. There were no survivors."

Gibbs watches as the team pales at the implication that their friend and teammate Ziva is dead. Tim in particular seems upset by the news and he motions for the younger man to follow him. Tony he notes absently stays down with Abby, the young Goth wrapping her arms around the man's neck.

Inside the elevator he flips the switch and studies the young man standing beside him. Wondering about the reaction, he asks,

"Did you break the rule?"

"What? No, no boss, that's not…I …she…can I come talk to you tonight? In private? I have something I need to show you."

"You're being a bit strange McGee."

"Please boss, it's…she asked me to do this if anything happened while she was gone."

Gibbs nods and tells him to be there no later than 20:00 hours. "I'll be in the basement, just come on in."

"Okay, I…my reports are done, may I go a bit early tonight? So that I can..." Tim swallows hard against the lump in his throat. "I just need a few extra minutes to go home and retrieve something."

Gibbs turns the elevator back on and as they leave tells Tim that he can leave as soon as the reports are on his desk. Tim gives him a smile of thanks and soon Gibbs is watching Tim leave the room.

Just before Gibbs dismisses him for the night Tony stops him saying, "This is going to hit him pretty hard, you know that right boss? They were getting pretty tight there for a while."

"Somehow, DiNozzo, I don't think it's that type of situation." Gibbs says thoughtfully before telling Tony to finish up his reports and to go home. "Take Abby with you; try to get her to sleep tonight if you can."

Tony smiles grimly, "One extended movie night, coming up boss. Are we still on call this weekend?"

"No, I'll go clear it with Vance as of now."

Vance meets him halfway up the stairs and tells him that Balboa's team already offered to sit in for Gibbs'. Gibbs nods his thanks and saunters back down the stairs. He then takes the elevator to Autopsy to make sure that Ducky and Jimmy have heard the news.

As the elevator swishes open, he sees Abby crying in Ducky's arms and knows that the gentle ME has heard the news. Jimmy is wiping his own eyes and Tony has a sympathetic hand on the younger man's shoulder. Satisfied that his remaining family has each other for comfort, he heads back upstairs to the garage and eventually home.

Tim heads for home, showers, changes to sweats and a t-shirt then pulls a shoe box off his closet shelf. He then takes his ready bag and puts the box inside. He whistles for Jethro and then heads over to Gibbs' house.

Gibbs smiles when he hears the patter of paws over head. Tim stows his bag in the living room, only removing the box and Jethro's water dish for the time being. Once the dog comes back inside, he quietly tells the dog to lie down and then heads for the basement.

"I'd forgotten you had him."

"Yeah, he's part of why I'm here." Tim replies and Gibbs looks at him.

"What's on your mind McGee?"

"A lot of things boss. First and foremost, I need you to know that while Ziva and I are friends, we've never been lovers. She's been my confidant and I've been hers, when she's allowed me to be."

Gibbs says nothing just tosses Tim a beer as he continues sanding the ribs of his current boating project. Tim manages to catch the beer one handed but doesn't open it. Instead he stands on the step waiting for Gibbs to acknowledge what he's just said.

"You gonna talk McGee or just stand there?"

"I'm sorry. I just…Never mind." Tim starts to head back upstairs, when Gibbs stops him.

"You came here to talk. I'm listening…"


	7. Chapter 7

Tim comes further down the stairs, clutching his box. "I…this would be easier if you would put that damn thing down and actually look at me."

Gibbs smiles wistfully remembering another young man who used to say that to him. _"Put your damn sanding project away LJ…I want to talk to you, not your damn chair or whatever the hell you're making today!" _

Gibbs tosses his sanding sponge to the side and saunters over to where Tim is standing on the bottom step. He smiles at the almost death grip Tim has on the box and shaking his head motions for Tim to follow him back upstairs. Tim does so, wondering at the wisdom of actually coming over and talking or trying to talk to this man.

One of the last things Ziva said to him floats through his mind,**"If you do not tell him, he will never know. Not just how you feel, but how Shannon felt as well. If anything goes wrong, if I do not immediately return I want you to go to him and tell him."**

**"What should I say?"**

**"You are the writer and poet, Timothy McGee. You will be able to think of something."**

"I'm not sure I can do this." Tim isn't aware he's said it out loud until Gibbs says

"Do what McGee?"

Tim looks at him, silently pleading with him to understand what he's about to say next.

"Just before you went to Mexico, where you accidently told us about Shannon and Kelly, I made a connection to a friend of mine. He's in this box."

Gibbs stares at him uncomprehendingly and Tim sighs, "He's…okay he's not literally in the box but the memories that I have of him are. And they involve you too, if you are the one he's talking about that is."

"What are you talking about McGee?" Gibbs sighs.

"Shannon." Tim says and hands him the box before fleeing towards the backdoor. Gibbs puts the box on the table and has the door slammed shut before Tim can do much more than open it. A low growl has both men looking down at Jethro who is snarling and moving menacingly towards Gibbs. Tim steps in front of Gibbs, motioning for the other man to back away.

"It's okay, Jet. He's a friend. He's not going to hurt me. He's Gibbs, and he's a friend, like Abby. You like Abby."

Jethro isn't convinced, but he backs down temporarily appeased by Tim's tone of voice.

"He's gotten protective of you. That's a good thing considering how you two first met."

"Yeah, it's not a good memory boss. I still have nightmares about that one."

"You kept him."

"I didn't have much choice."

"You could have told her no."

"Really? Like you do?" Tim's sarcasm doesn't go unnoticed. Gibbs glares at him but Tim is busy digging in the box. He pulls out the letters he wants and hands them to Gibbs. "Here, you should read these."

Tim goes and sits down in the living room wondering what to do next. Ziva hadn't really coached him on what to do once he gave Gibbs the letters. Jethro pads in and puts his head on Tim's knee, wurfing softly. "Hey boy."

Out in the kitchen, Gibbs is wiping his eyes, reading and feeling the love and happiness that Shannon had felt towards him pouring out of the letters. He looks at the bundle of letters that Tim put to the side and winces when he sees his own handwriting and the words Return to Sender.

He heads into the living room where Tim is lying on the couch, rubbing Jethro's long silky ears.

"You had those a long time."

"Yeah, I…I still don't know why I kept them. Ziva told me once that I fell in love with you or the man that you were back then."

"She's seen them?"

"She and Tony both did the night you came out of your coma. I…I was having trouble coping with the reality of what happened to my friend. They came over and we…dare I say bonded over pizza, beer and letters to a ten year old."

Gibbs fingers the letter describing his marriage to Shannon and sits on the arm of the couch. "He…I didn't deserve him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I couldn't save him."

"He loved you, Kelly loved you and from what those letters indicate, you loved them in return. I'd say that's pretty powerful stuff."

"Yeah. I miss them. I wanted to die when we saw the newsfeed relaying their deaths. I think I did die a little bit."

Tim shifts so that he's sitting up. "You did die…almost. The doctor at the hospital here, he was the same one who treated you over there. You went into a coma there too. Ducky was telling us about it after he and Tony started putting the team back together when you left."

Gibbs says nothing as he watches Tim play with the dog's ears. The same dog that had bitten Tim, and he has to ask,

"Why do you keep him? If he's still giving you nightmares, why keep him?"

"Because, he has them too. And he will protect me, as you saw. He just…I just wish we'd met under different circumstances."

"Why didn't you come to me?"

"You don't listen. Not to me." The words are quiet and simple. Gibbs stares at him. Tim stares back at him, daring him to say otherwise.

"The problem is that I don't know why. You obviously wanted me on your team once. However, since I've joined your team, you've done nothing to make me feel like I actually belong on it."

"You could have left."

"I didn't want to! I just…I don't know how to get through your barriers."

Gibbs inhales remembering Shannon and one of their first dates. _"You put too many barriers up LJ. It won't keep me away from you. I'll just keep pounding at your door, waiting until I can't wait and then…"_

_"What Shannon? What will you do then?" He'd taunted and been kissed soundly in return._

_"Try again. I love you LJ. I don't know who has convinced you otherwise, but you're worthy of my love and I'm worthy of yours too if you'll just drop that damn barrier and let me love you."_

"Barriers…" Gibbs whispers and looks at the man beside him. The eyes are a deeper green, the hair golden instead of red, but the look in those eyes and the emotion hiding deep within is the same as his lost love.

"You love me?" Gibbs doesn't realize he's said the words until Tim answers

"I have loved you for years. I just…I couldn't tell you. When I wanted to, you were never ready to listen, and then the one time I thought you might, you went away."

Gibbs brushes a hand over Tim's hair, "I'm sorry Tim."

Tim pulls him down beside him and wrapping a tender hand around the base of Gibbs neck leans in for their first kiss. When they finally break apart Tim whispers, "Apology accepted."


	8. Chapter 8

Christmas 2010:

Tim stares at the plasma TV in the bedroom not daring to believe what he's hearing. The President has lifted the DA/DT. Gibbs comes out of the bathroom, rubbing a towel over his hair, leaning in for Tim's kiss.

"What's up?"

"They…they finally repealed DA/DT. We…we can be official…if you want to be." Tim looks up at him, and Gibbs slowly nods, thinking about the events that had brought them together the first time.

Gibbs feels Tim's worried gaze upon him and knows he's been lost in his thoughts again. "I'm fine, just thinking about what brought us to this point."

Tim nods and reaches for the remote control, turning off the television as he turns to the man who's been part of his love life for the past few months. The night they'd brought Ziva home from Somalia is the night they'd finally gone from gentle pets and kisses to consummating their love for each other. Since then, Tim has sublet his apartment to Ziva and moved in with Gibbs, telling her that it's due to her helping him get together with Gibbs and she knows that he's also trying to help her get back on her feet in his own gentle subtle way.

Gibbs sits beside him, and Tim pulls him close for a kiss. As they break apart, Gibbs runs a hand over Tim's face and down his chest, making the young man inhale in anticipation of his next move.

"You mentioned becoming official." Gibbs says with a twinkle in his blue eyes and Tim nods slowly not sure what to expect.

"I …it's just a suggestion…if you…" Gibbs shuts him up with another kiss as he reaches into the drawer in the bedside table.

"I think that it's a great idea, and I'm sure that no matter where he is, Shannon would agree." Gibbs says as he slips off the bed and onto one knee. Tim inhales sharply when he sees matching platinum and gold intertwined bands in the box nestled in Gibbs' palm. "What do you say Tim, will you make my Christmas wish come true? Will you marry me?"

Fini-


End file.
